End of Life

If you could choose the way you will die, what would it be?” Many people cavalierly answer “old age” or “in my sleep,” as if either of these answers will offer relief from an event they’ll do...

The opening line of the pamphlet was straightforward: Join us in a workshop where you will experience your own death. Six months prior, I would have thought it an interesting exercise. But having received a diagnosis of “aggressive prostate cancer,” it had the relevance of a guidebook for an upcoming trip.

People who were dying in the Middle Ages said their goodbyes, gave away the furniture, and just stopped breathing. The non-event was witnessed by friends and family, who, at the moment of death absconded with anything of value. Later, they might gather to either celebrate or deride the person’s life. Today, although we rarely fight over furniture, we do something worse.

Did you ever have a memory that rode into your consciousness on the back of a passing odor, object, or random word? Something you desperately tried to forget? But despite your best efforts, it still seeped through your emotional protective wall as if the wall was made of cheesecloth.

We often harshly judge behaviors we don't understand. They can involve someone's ingratitude, anger, or actions we label as foolish. I recently was guilty of the same thing here in the San Francisco Bay area with one of my hospice patients.

Introduction. An introduction to the major themes of the...

Lessons for the Living-2: Sitting. Few people understand the importance of sitting down next to a person who is dying rather than standing at the...

Helping Our Loved Ones Die:3 Create a Positive Environment. The focus should be on life, even as a loved one's life is slipping...

Helping Our Loved Ones Die: 4-Simplifying Life. As a loved one comes closer to dying, interests become more defined. There is much you can do to help them simplify...

Helping Our Loved Ones Die: 5-Listen More, Talk Less. We tend to fill periods of silence with words, almost as if it was a requirement. Yet, it's during those periods of silence that loved ones often reveal...

Helping Our Loved Ones Die: 6-Don't Rely Just on Words. There are many emotions that can't be conveyed to loved ones just by...

Helping Our Loved Ones Die: 7-Talk About Death. People who are dying usually know it and if given permission to talk about it, will want...

Helping Our Loved Ones Die:8-Forgive and Ask For Forgiveness. Two things that make dying more difficult is not being forgiven for unskillful acts and words, and not forgiving those caused...

Helping Our Loved Ones Die: 9-GiveThanks. People who are dying want to know they've made a difference in the lives of their loved ones and...

Helping Our Loved Ones Die:10-Private Experiences. People close to death may relate visits by loved ones who have died. Whether or not you think the experiences are real, accept...

Helping Our Loved Ones Die:11-Giving Permission to Leave. One of the hardest things you may have to do is give permission to a loved one to...

Helping Our Loved Ones Die:12-Final Thoughts. Some final things to think...

The 60 Minutes segment on end of life expenses did more than highlight inappropriate medical costs. It spoke to the role of medical technology in our cultural denial of death. As medical technology becomes...

Imagine that you’re preparing for a thirty-day trip to a foreign country and you’re limited to taking only what can be carried in a backpack. Your decisions on what to take or leave behind will determine the quality of your experience. Too many items and the weight will be burdensome. Not enough of the right ones and you might be forced to neglect some basic needs. We make decisions of this type daily. Take what’s important, leave behind what isn’t. But we tend to oblivious to the importance of these decisions for possibly the most momentous journey of our lives—our death.

As Congress debates the new health bill, whipping boys are paraded out to create fear. The latest, and most deplorable is that hospice will be used to save costs by forcing people to die rather than be...